I have a Google voice assistant in my truck. Naturally, I changed the settings so it sounded like the female computer aboard a starship. Now it responds to my commands with things like “Acknowledged” and “Sensors active.” After all, if I’m driving a Ford, I expect to be treated like Harrison Ford.
Everything was running smoothly until a few days ago, when I had my own HAL 9000 moment. I thought they’d worked out those bugs back in 2001.
I asked Google a question, and some strange man answered. I don’t recall inviting anyone else aboard.
When I asked what happened to the voice I’d selected, Google insisted this was the one I’d chosen all along. At that point, I half expected it to start singing “Daisy Bell.” I do have a karaoke app installed, but I don’t remember signing us up for a duet.
Later that day, my assistant went back to its original voice as though nothing had happened. Ever since, I’ve been discreetly checking the truck’s safety features. The last thing I need is an airbag malfunction that ejects me through an airlock.
I’m also becoming suspicious of the onboard navigation system. It keeps trying to take me to some monolith in Jupiter, Florida. Personally, I’d rather go to Disneyland. Then again, I’m not sure I trust the monorail either.
At least I wouldn’t have to worry about killer robots at Disneyland. It’s not like they’ve got an entire park full of animatronics or anything. And I’ll take a Waymo home, just to be safe.