I hate when my pet projects end up in the pet cemetery because I’m afraid, one particularly bone-chilling night, I will find an army of undead guinea pigs at my doorstep. Everybody knows zombie guinea pigs are less cute and fluffy than their living counterparts. Zombeavers beware! These reanimated rodents are as equally ghastly. Although I’m sure boogey guinea pigs might make well, good guinea pigs to experiment on, I would probably need to learn how to get down and boogie with them first. That’s quite the feat, especially considering I have two left feet. One of those left feet is already one foot in the grave from another time I tried to do the running man with some walking dead hedgehogs. I know hedgehogs are not technically rodents, but there’s no reason to get all scientific. First, we need to get some guinea pigs before we do that.
What I don’t understand is why is it that groundhogs are considered rodents while hedgehogs are not? Furthermore, who decided groundhogs would make good meteorologists? When a groundhog doesn’t see its shadow, we have an early spring. Yup, that’s really scientific there. Can that same person also decide that hedgehogs can be brokers? I could for sure use some help with my hedge fund. Not that I need to worry about my financial future amid a zombie guinea pig apocalypse. But yeah, my current guy only takes golden rings as payment. Also, currently, he might be on the run from attacking an evil scientist who turned guinea pigs into robots. See, that’s precisely why I need them undead first.
