I don’t know why they call it a Jolly Roger, because Roger doesn’t look too jolly to me. Now, Santa Claus, that’s a fellow who does look jolly. Big belly, rosy cheeks, a hearty ‘ho ho ho’—now that’s jolly! On the other hand, if you ever see an old, rickety ship sailing out of dense fog with a Jolly Roger flag waving in the breeze, chances are you are about to be boarded and plundered. That doesn’t sound like a jolly good time, now does it.
I can tell you what is jolly good though, and that’s Jolly Good Soda. I don’t know about you, but I like their root beer. Nothing says “Ahoy there, matey” like a good root beer. I wouldn’t be caught dead buccaneering the seven seas without a big old frosty, frothy mug of root beer in hand.
In fact, if you don’t want to be floating like flotsam, make it a root beer float instead. It’s a little-known fact that Blackbeard’s beard was so black because of all the root beer he had in it. You could say it was a root beard. I like to imagine him, standing on the deck, mug in hand, roaring to his crew, “Yo ho ho and a barrel of… root beer!”
Speaking of Blackbeard, I bet if he had Jolly Good Soda, he’d have been a lot less menacing. Picture this: Blackbeard hosting a pirate party, handing out root beer floats to his crew instead of rum. They’d be singing sea shanties about fizzy drinks and swashbuckling soda pops. “Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest—yo ho ho and a bottle of root beer!” Not quite the same ring to it, but it’s certainly jollier.
I can see it now, pirates gathered around a barrel of root beer, trying to out-burp each other. “Arrr, matey! That was a fine belch! Aye, but can ye top this one?” And let’s not forget the inevitable brain freeze from too many root beer floats. “Shiver-me-timbers. It be like a cutlass of sassafras in me head. Curse ye!”
The whole image of pirates suddenly seems a lot less intimidating and a lot more fun. Maybe the secret to a jolly pirate life isn’t treasure or rum, but a good old-fashioned root beer. Next time you see a Jolly Roger waving in the breeze, just remember—it’s not the flag that’s jolly, it’s what’s in their mugs.
