You know what they say—you shouldn’t beat a dead horse. Frankly, I don’t think you should beat a living horse either. First of all, it’s cruel. Secondly, horses aren’t exactly the best creatures to pick fights with. You never know which one might be Sylvester Stallion, ready to go full Rocky Balboa on you. Next thing you know, after a few rounds with him, you’d look less like a fighter and more like something straight out of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I mean, the guy did six Rocky movies; I’d be winded after round one. And if you think he’s more of a Rambo type, be careful—because close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, and neither ends well for you.
If you really must beat a horse, I’d recommend a Trojan one, like in Greek mythology. They say you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but with a Trojan horse, it’s definitely worth a peek—just in case there’s an army hiding inside, ready to ambush you. But beware: opening it could also crash your computer if it turns out to be a Trojan horse virus from a sketchy download, ready to wreak havoc on your system! Either way, it’s safer than swinging at a horse that might be Pegasus. In Greek mythology, he wasn’t just any flying horse—he carried Zeus’s thunderbolts, meaning that striking him could literally result in getting struck by lightning. Whether it’s lightning or a kick from their hooves, mythical or not, getting hit by a mustang really must sting.
If you ever find yourself on an epic quest, you definitely need a trusty horse by your side. I mean, the word ‘quest’ is right there in equestrian. Riding into battle on a donkey just doesn’t have the same heroic flair. I’m not saying Shrek didn’t make it work, but it’s definitely not the traditional knight-in-shining-armor look.
Whether it’s a dead horse or a living one, it’s all a horse a piece. Just be careful—you might stumble upon a horse with a piece. That’s one episode of Gunsmoke I’d rather skip, where the horses are more loaded than the cowboys. A showdown at the O.K. Corral with Quick Draw McGraw? Yeah, I’ll pass on that, thanks.
