On Sunday, I made Shrimp Creole for my girlfriend. Let me begin by stating—it wasn’t just the same creole, same creole. Although, I did season the shrimp with Old Bay, because nothing says “trust me, I know what I’m doing” like a spice blend named after a large body of water.
For my own dish, I swapped the shrimp for a hearty helping of hearts of palm. Why? Because I’m not a pescatarian—I’m a Sagittarian. And according to palmistry, I’ve got a really great heartline… although I haven’t been on too many Datelines. Probably for the best—because if the headline in my palm had been any indication, or the one that might’ve scrolled across a nationally syndicated news program, it would’ve read:
BREAKING: Man Took Mermaid on a Date to Long John Silver’s; Learned There Weren’t Actually Plenty of Fish in the Sea
Not only am I an inexperienced dater, but this was also my first experience with hearts of palm. I was instantly a cheerleader with palm-palms for this wonderfully creamy, tart little vegetable. I’ve already imagined it battered, deep-fried, and slathered in tartar sauce as a fish substitute. I bait it’ll be good. I’m going to have to tackle box that next.
Cajun food felt like a fitting end to June—or Cajune, if you will. Not to question Popeye, who is as able-bodied a sailor man as they come, but Louisiana cuisine wasn’t nearly as fast as cartoons had led me to believe. That Shrimp Creole took over two hours to make—though to be fair, that was still faster than the time I attempted Cajun Lasagna. That one took Andouille long.
I served the Shrimp Creole over a glorious mess of dirty rice—though mine was slightly less of a pigsty since I omitted the pork. For the side, I whipped up Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits from a mix. Because nothing says “homemade with love” like adding water and pretending I churned the butter by hand.
Honestly, I would’ve given our seafood dinner an A+, but my girlfriend said she thought it’d be spicier. To be fair, she didn’t even break a sweat during our last experiment: Ghost Pepper Chicken Noodle Soup with a side of Ghost Pepper Grilled Cheese. Meanwhile, it tasted so hot to me that I swear my soul briefly left my body and experienced what it was like to be a ghost pepper. So much for my promising heartline. Guess my lifeline got sautéed.
I probably should’ve checked my foodscope beforehand.
♐ Sagittarius Foodscope: You’re bold, briny, and have a tendency to over season both meals and metaphors. Today’s culinary adventures may trigger spontaneous astral projection and mild romantic flashbacks. Love is spicy, so bring milk.
