Yesterday, I woke up feeling like my left eye alone didn’t get shut-eye. It wouldn’t have surprised me if it suddenly busted into a rap on the bridge of “Waterfalls.” Maybe what it really needs is some TLC.
See what I did there? Because my left eye sure didn’t.
Of course, that’s easier said than done when I still have to go to work. At least until I can sit around and write these anecdotes for a living. Maybe then I could afford one of those fancy-dancey standing desks—the kind that encourages movement or at least gives me an excuse to dance. Especially since we recently started playing Just Dance Now, and I would very much like to win.
If you’re unfamiliar, Just Dance Now is one of those interactive TV games where you use your phone as a controller and it tracks your movements. The only problem is my girlfriend has two left feet, and I have one left eye that’s still buffering. She dances with complete confidence, which is impressive considering none of the moves appear to be in the same song. I dance like I’m trying to read the screen through soup. Somewhere between us, my Samsung Galaxy phone is just trying to survive, praying not to be launched into the actual galaxy while we’re both passionately misinterpreting “Waterfalls.”
On second thought, maybe we should just watch TLC—the Learning Channel—and learn how to dance the old-fashioned way. You know, back when misinterpreting the lesson didn’t require a trip to the emergency room.
I know what you’re probably thinking: Just Dance Now—that sounds like a recipe for a hot chocolate disaster. But don’t worry—that was only a concern one anecdote ago. These days, when we’re in the heat of a Just Dance Now battle, we hydrate responsibly—with water sourced exclusively from the purest Waterfalls.
After we’ve danced up a respectable appetite, I whip us up some of my infamous TLC Wraps. Basically, it’s tomatoes, lettuce, and cheese rolled into pita bread. It’s the kind of meal that’s been known to raise a brow or two—except my left one. That thing’s still half asleep.
To round it out, I’ll usually serve the wraps with a bowl of soup. Not because it pairs especially well, but because at this point it feels on-theme. Let’s just hope Souper Schnauzer doesn’t get into it. That’s a scoop—or ladle—I’ll happily leave to Louis Dane.
