Why does writing have to be so hard? Sometimes, I literally need to coax the words out of myself. Not exactly easy since I’m more of a Pepsi kinda guy. Actually, given a choice, I would probably pick Mountain Dew. Yes, I do, do the dew, dude.
Coke is fine, if you’re a polar bear, which I’m definitely not. Never mind my thick layer of blubber and luxurious white fur.
I wonder why Mountain Dew has never chosen to use a mountain lion in their advertising. Now that’s a mascot I could get behind. And behind a mountain lion is exactly where I’d want to be, because with all this extra flab, I’d never outrun one.
Another reason I’m a Mountain Dewd is because I insist my dew be ethically harvested from only the freshest mountain peaks. Thank you very much.
Speaking of bottles, maybe my writing struggle is the result of bottling up my emotions. It’s hard to get in touch with your feelings when they’re all frozen solid. That’s life in the Arctic Circle.
Maybe that’s why I’ve resorted to writing about soda. I mean, who wouldn’t want to read a hard-hitting exposé on my soft-drink preferences? It’s the kind of groundbreaking journalism that could really shake up the beverage industry. Just don’t open it afterward.
Still, one thing is certain. I definitely write a lot more freely after a couple of bottles of Mountain Dew.
As of this anecdote, I’m currently on my fourth. And you know what? I dOn’T fEeL J-J-JiTtErY iN tHe LeAsT!
On second thought, maybe this whole writing thing isn’t as hard as I thought. I mean, I did manage to coax all these words about soda out of me. And I did it all without even belching once. Maybe I should just work in the fizz business instead. Surely after writing this I must be colafied.
Although, between you and me, the hardest part of writing isn’t finding the right words. It’s typing them with these enormous paws.
