Author, Computer Scientist, Musician, and Photographer
He gazes up at serene galaxies,
In an urban garden gazebo,
Where stars twinkle like bells in jubilee,
Vibrant quasars swirl through his kaleidoscope,
Cascaded nebulas flow resplendently,
On a night darker than a murder of crows,
Light and feathery clouds whisk toward the east,
Drawing curtains closed over the cosmic show.
When the flick is finished,
In the cinema of existence,
The stink of stale popcorn and dusty films,
She blinks through silver screen tears,
Seeing her life in a motion picture,
Hearing the silence of her critics,
Applauding the end credits,
She is one heck of an actress.
A yellow and blue moon-shaped bruise on the flesh of Eve,
Living on the fat of the land has made her skinny,
A serpent coils around the apple of her eye,
The tempting aroma is tangy and bittersweet,
A taste of wickedness and sin for all mankind,
It’s hard to swallow down, the belly of the feast.
Why do we use the phrase oopsie-daisies when we make a mistake? Is it because a daisy chain of errors could ultimately lead to us pushing up daisies? We need more flowery language to express our blunders because what if someone is allergic to daisies? I will provide some alternatives for your consideration.
First, I would like you to consider: what in carnation? This particular expression is handy if you have a shaky hand while trying to pin a corsage on your prom date. Not that I would know from experience because I never went to prom. If I had gone, I probably would’ve needed this choice of words. However, my prom date probably would’ve had an entirely different choice of words.
Second, I suggest: chrysanthemum’s the word. This phrase is helpful, especially when you mess up and really don’t want your mum to find out about it. Yes, I will admit it’s a mouthful, but isn’t that inherently better than getting an earful from your mother? If all else fails, and your mom finds out about your failure, you can try giving her a bouquet of them because, in China, they are a symbol of long life and good luck in the home. However, depending on the severity of your misjudgment, I can’t speak for the longevity of your own life, in which case, chrysanthemums are used almost exclusively as memorial flowers in Austria and Belgium.
Next, I recommend: oh, how lily of me. It is perfect when you do something silly, embarrassing, or lily-liver. When you’re trembling from humiliation or fright, and your skin turns a pasty lily-white, that is the appropriate time to say it. To get a little color back in your face, after the fact, I highly insist on using a little makeup. But in some cases, that might just be gilding the lily.
Last but not least, I present to you: what the phlox? Talk about a great go-to saying literally anytime you are shocked, but people might be as shocked themselves when you say it. But who gives a phlox what they think? Speaking of giving: If you care about the person and feel you might have offended them inadvertently, you can give them a good phlox. They are symbolic of unity, goodnight kisses, and sweet dreams. So, you definitely want to go to bed right after you phlox.
Iriser, Irina. “Pink Carnations.” Pexels, 13 June 2018, www.pexels.com/photo/pink-carnations-1158961/.
Grabowska, Karolina. “Colorful Blooming Chrysanthemums.” Pexels, 29 September 2020, www.pexels.com/photo/colorful-blooming-chrysanthemums-5478198/.
Kaplan, Beyza. “Close-Up Shot of Lilies.” Pexels, 15 July 2022, www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-shot-of-lilies-12839824/.
Leatherman, Carrie. “Purple and White Phlox Flowers.” Pexels, 18 May 2022, www.pexels.com/photo/purple-and-white-phlox-flowers-12182932/.
A white sun dips in the sky, casting light on winter woods,
A red-tailed hawk soars over a river, its surface frozen,
I exhale, my breath a frosted meadow,
With evergreens tinseled by shadow and snow,
This cold is loneliness, it lingers on my skin,
A shiver trills down my spine, thinking our romance can end,
Each tender moment we’ve cherished, like kindling, extinguished,
Your love, the tinder, keeps me from freezing to death.
I won’t keep Misery company, but I will gladly meet Felicity for coffee. Misery likes his coffee black, while Felicity prefers hers sweet. Misery will complain about how it tastes and call it mud, but for Felicity, every cup of joe is a cup of joy. Misery hates waiting for his coffee when Felicity can’t wait because she knows it will be great.
Misery bellyaches when Felicity has such a fire in her belly. Misery doesn’t like the young barista because he’s an old miser. Whereas Felicity is forever young at heart and loves to make new friends. Misery is a giant pain in the neck and wants to wring somebody’s neck for it, while Felicity will stick her neck out to save yours. After coffee, Felicity is ready to start the day, but Misery wants to go back to bed because he woke up on the wrong side of it. I know I will always be in good company with Felicity.
After a hard day, I can’t wait to go home and curl up with a good book. In that regard, I’m very fortunate because some people curl up with a bad one at night. I firmly believe that if a book isn’t treating you right, it’s probably time you leave it—end of story. If dumping your book seems daunting at first, it’s okay you can start small.
Begin by simply checking out other books that catch your eye. A great place to start looking is at your local library, where you will have plenty of choices. The best part about the library is you’re not pressured into taking just any random book home with you after being introduced for the first time. But if you’re instead the type that can’t wait to jump in the sack and curl up with a book, a bookstore is probably your best bet. Otherwise, if you’re looking for a book that’s a little more devoted, you should try a church. You will find the good book there.
Wherever you look, make sure to find one that interests you. For example, if you love food, get a good cookbook, or if you have kids, you definitely want a children’s book. Remember to never judge a book by its cover and be weary because some will try every trick in the book to convince you they are good when they are not. Also, don’t mistakenly think you can somehow rekindle the flame with your old book. Why not just try Kindle? Just because you’re a bookworm doesn’t mean you have to be treated like bookdirt. Take it from me: If you’re curling up with a bad book, it’s time to start a new chapter of your life because it just doesn’t page. You deserve the romance novel you’ve always wanted. It doesn’t have to be a fantasy.
We will twinkle when we are in our twilight years,
Just imagine all the things we shall see and hear,
Wrapped in a celestial quilt I’ll hold you near,
And whisper in your ear, “You look dazzling, my dear.”
We will be as colorful as our sunset years,
We still keep all of the laughter and in good cheer,
When the darkest hours upon us there is not fear,
Even the reaper will cry for us twilit tears.
Sometimes, I swear I might be having a senior moment, and that is preposterous because I’m only going on 40, which my girlfriend so thoughtfully likes to point out. Once, literally I had convinced myself that I was a year younger than I am until she reminded me otherwise. That is a prime example of having a senior moment. Speaking of prime, I feel I’m long past being in that.
Not by any means would I consider myself a senior citizen; however, I certainly know that I am over the hill, but that doesn’t really amount to a hill of beans. Unfortunately, you don’t get a senior discount for simply having a senior moment or being over the hill. It’s a shame because saving at least 50 cents on a hamburger would be nice. Do you know what would go good with a hamburger? The aforementioned hill of beans, that’s what.
I’m sure, at this point, you wish those beans were coffee beans to keep you awake while reading this nonsense. I can completely relate. I feel like taking a nap while writing it. The more I get up in years, the harder it is to get up in the morning, let alone get through the day without one. And by nap, I don’t mean a dirt nap. I’m not that old! What was I even talking about again? Oh, yeah, senior moments. I must be having one now. But yeah, I’m not that old. I merely have a senior moment from time to time.
My feeling is that if you’re still below the age of wearing Bengay and hearing aids, it should be called something else. I like the sound of junior moment, which I can still hear, thankfully, without hearing aids. It also sounds very similar to a delicious brand of candy. So, when you announce to people you are having a junior moment, especially when they have hearing aids, they instead might think you’re saying, “I’m having a Junior Mint.” Nobody then will see you being anything but in mint condition. Also, a mint comes in handy after eating a hamburger and a whole hill of beans. Heck yeah, I still remember that joke from a few paragraphs ago. I told you I was only having a junior moment.
Two dragonflies blue, violet and grey,
Wreathed atop your final resting place,
Beneath the cottonwood’s gentle shade,
In that somber moment tears traced.
Two dragonflies they came into sight,
Glistening like sapphires in the soft, golden light,
Their wings hummed a requiem, a mournful refrain,
A song in your quietus, to ease all the pain.
These dragonflies, messengers from above,
Emissaries of your undying love,
They whispered in the wind, as if to say,
You’re free from your burdens, it’s time to fly away.
In the silence of that moment, we felt your goodbye,
Two dragonflies, soaring high in the sky,
A reminder of your presence, forever in our hearts,
In the dance of dragonflies, your spirits depart.
