Category: Writing

February 2nd, 2024

Journal Writing

February 2nd, 2024

Groundhog Day

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I hate when my pet projects end up in the pet cemetery because I’m afraid, one particularly bone-chilling night, I will find an army of undead guinea pigs at my doorstep. Everybody knows zombie guinea pigs are less cute and fluffy than their living counterparts. Zombeavers beware! These reanimated rodents are as equally ghastly. Although I’m sure boogey guinea pigs might make well, good guinea pigs to experiment on, I would probably need to learn how to get down and boogie with them first. That’s quite the feat, especially considering I have two left feet. One of those left feet is already one foot in the grave from another time I tried to do the running man with some walking dead hedgehogs. I know hedgehogs are not technically rodents, but there’s no reason to get all scientific. First, we need to get some guinea pigs before we do that.

What I don’t understand is why is it that groundhogs are considered rodents while hedgehogs are not? Furthermore, who decided groundhogs would make good meteorologists? When a groundhog doesn’t see its shadow, we have an early spring. Yup, that’s really scientific there. Can that same person also decide that hedgehogs can be brokers? I could for sure use some help with my hedge fund. Not that I need to worry about my financial future amid a zombie guinea pig apocalypse. But yeah, my current guy only takes golden rings as payment. Also, currently, he might be on the run from attacking an evil scientist who turned guinea pigs into robots. See, that’s precisely why I need them undead first.

Holey

Poetry Writing

Holey

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She is holey like her jeans,
A temple for a body,
From her head down to her feet,
She is a denim deity,

She is holey like her jeans,
A serene angel in capris,
With wings that flutter unseen,
Her beauty is heavenly,

She is holey like her jeans,
From faded blues to cerulean,
A celestial dream to me,
It’s in her that I believe,

She is wholly complete,
Even her flaws are pretty,
My heart bursts at the seams,
When she wears holey jeans.

For You

Poetry Writing

For You

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For whom do the weeping willows cry?
For whom do their tears likewise dry?
For whom do the hill crests stretch high,
For who do grapes grow on the vine?
For whom do they make the sweetest wine?
For whom do bees make honey in hives?
For whom do songbirds sing lullabies?

For whom do the stars twinkle and shine?
For whom do they streak across the sky?
For whom do the constellations guide?
For whom do the sun and the moon rise?
For whom do the planets all align?
For whom do the heavens deeply sigh?
For you, that’s who because you are mine.

Essay: Flowery Language

Essay Writing

Essay: Flowery Language

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Why do we use the phrase oopsie-daisies when we make a mistake? Is it because a daisy chain of errors could ultimately lead to us pushing up daisies? We need more flowery language to express our blunders because what if someone is allergic to daisies? I will provide some alternatives for your consideration.

Pink Carnations by Irina Iriser

First, I would like you to consider: what in carnation? This particular expression is handy if you have a shaky hand while trying to pin a corsage on your prom date. Not that I would know from experience because I never went to prom. If I had gone, I probably would’ve needed this choice of words. However, my prom date probably would’ve had an entirely different choice of words.

Colorful Blooming Chrysanthemums by Karolina Grabowska

Second, I suggest: chrysanthemum’s the word. This phrase is helpful, especially when you mess up and really don’t want your mum to find out about it. Yes, I will admit it’s a mouthful, but isn’t that inherently better than getting an earful from your mother? If all else fails, and your mom finds out about your failure, you can try giving her a bouquet of them because, in China, they are a symbol of long life and good luck in the home. However, depending on the severity of your misjudgment, I can’t speak for the longevity of your own life, in which case, chrysanthemums are used almost exclusively as memorial flowers in Austria and Belgium.

Close-Up Shot of Lilies by Beyza Kaplan

Next, I recommend: oh, how lily of me. It is perfect when you do something silly, embarrassing, or lily-liver. When you’re trembling from humiliation or fright, and your skin turns a pasty lily-white, that is the appropriate time to say it. To get a little color back in your face, after the fact, I highly insist on using a little makeup. But in some cases, that might just be gilding the lily.

Purple and White Phlox Flowers by Carrie Leatherman

Last but not least, I present to you: what the phlox? Talk about a great go-to saying literally anytime you are shocked, but people might be as shocked themselves when you say it. But who gives a phlox what they think? Speaking of giving: If you care about the person and feel you might have offended them inadvertently, you can give them a good phlox. They are symbolic of unity, goodnight kisses, and sweet dreams. So, you definitely want to go to bed right after you phlox.

Iriser, Irina. “Pink Carnations.” Pexels, 13 June 2018, www.pexels.com/photo/pink-carnations-1158961/.
Grabowska, Karolina. “Colorful Blooming Chrysanthemums.” Pexels, 29 September 2020, www.pexels.com/photo/colorful-blooming-chrysanthemums-5478198/.
Kaplan, Beyza. “Close-Up Shot of Lilies.” Pexels, 15 July 2022, www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-shot-of-lilies-12839824/.
Leatherman, Carrie. “Purple and White Phlox Flowers.” Pexels, 18 May 2022, www.pexels.com/photo/purple-and-white-phlox-flowers-12182932/.

Tinderness

Poetry Writing

Tinderness

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A white sun dips in the sky, casting light on winter woods,
A red-tailed hawk soars over a river, its surface frozen,
I exhale, my breath a frosted meadow,
With evergreens tinseled by shadow and snow,
This cold is loneliness, it lingers on my skin,
A shiver trills down my spine, thinking our romance can end,
Each tender moment we’ve cherished, like kindling, extinguished,
Your love, the tinder, keeps me from freezing to death.

September 30th, 2023

Journal Writing

September 30th, 2023

Felicity Loves Company

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I won’t keep Misery company, but I will gladly meet Felicity for coffee. Misery likes his coffee black, while Felicity prefers hers sweet. Misery will complain about how it tastes and call it mud, but for Felicity, every cup of joe is a cup of joy. Misery hates waiting for his coffee when Felicity can’t wait because she knows it will be great.

Misery bellyaches when Felicity has such a fire in her belly. Misery doesn’t like the young barista because he’s an old miser. Whereas Felicity is forever young at heart and loves to make new friends. Misery is a giant pain in the neck and wants to wring somebody’s neck for it, while Felicity will stick her neck out to save yours. After coffee, Felicity is ready to start the day, but Misery wants to go back to bed because he woke up on the wrong side of it. I know I will always be in good company with Felicity.