Author, Computer Scientist, Musician, and Photographer
A white sun dips in the sky, casting light on winter woods,
A red-tailed hawk soars over a river, its surface frozen,
I exhale, my breath a frosted meadow,
With evergreens tinseled by shadow and snow,
This cold is loneliness, it lingers on my skin,
A shiver trills down my spine, thinking our romance can end,
Each tender moment we’ve cherished, like kindling, extinguished,
Your love, the tinder, keeps me from freezing to death.
I won’t keep Misery company, but I will gladly meet Felicity for coffee. Misery likes his coffee black, while Felicity prefers hers sweet. Misery will complain about how it tastes and call it mud, but for Felicity, every cup of joe is a cup of joy. Misery hates waiting for his coffee when Felicity can’t wait because she knows it will be great.
Misery bellyaches when Felicity has such a fire in her belly. Misery doesn’t like the young barista because he’s an old miser. Whereas Felicity is forever young at heart and loves to make new friends. Misery is a giant pain in the neck and wants to wring somebody’s neck for it, while Felicity will stick her neck out to save yours. After coffee, Felicity is ready to start the day, but Misery wants to go back to bed because he woke up on the wrong side of it. I know I will always be in good company with Felicity.
After a hard day, I can’t wait to go home and curl up with a good book. In that regard, I’m very fortunate because some people curl up with a bad one at night. I firmly believe that if a book isn’t treating you right, it’s probably time you leave it—end of story. If dumping your book seems daunting at first, it’s okay you can start small.
Begin by simply checking out other books that catch your eye. A great place to start looking is at your local library, where you will have plenty of choices. The best part about the library is you’re not pressured into taking just any random book home with you after being introduced for the first time. But if you’re instead the type that can’t wait to jump in the sack and curl up with a book, a bookstore is probably your best bet. Otherwise, if you’re looking for a book that’s a little more devoted, you should try a church. You will find the good book there.
Wherever you look, make sure to find one that interests you. For example, if you love food, get a good cookbook, or if you have kids, you definitely want a children’s book. Remember to never judge a book by its cover and be weary because some will try every trick in the book to convince you they are good when they are not. Also, don’t mistakenly think you can somehow rekindle the flame with your old book. Why not just try Kindle? Just because you’re a bookworm doesn’t mean you have to be treated like bookdirt. Take it from me: If you’re curling up with a bad book, it’s time to start a new chapter of your life because it just doesn’t page. You deserve the romance novel you’ve always wanted. It doesn’t have to be a fantasy.
We will twinkle when we are in our twilight years,
Just imagine all the things we shall see and hear,
Wrapped in a celestial quilt I’ll hold you near,
And whisper in your ear, “You look dazzling, my dear.”
We will be as colorful as our sunset years,
We still keep all of the laughter and in good cheer,
When the darkest hours upon us there is not fear,
Even the reaper will cry for us twilit tears.
Sometimes, I swear I might be having a senior moment, and that is preposterous because I’m only going on 40, which my girlfriend so thoughtfully likes to point out. Once, literally I had convinced myself that I was a year younger than I am until she reminded me otherwise. That is a prime example of having a senior moment. Speaking of prime, I feel I’m long past being in that.
Not by any means would I consider myself a senior citizen; however, I certainly know that I am over the hill, but that doesn’t really amount to a hill of beans. Unfortunately, you don’t get a senior discount for simply having a senior moment or being over the hill. It’s a shame because saving at least 50 cents on a hamburger would be nice. Do you know what would go good with a hamburger? The aforementioned hill of beans, that’s what.
I’m sure, at this point, you wish those beans were coffee beans to keep you awake while reading this nonsense. I can completely relate. I feel like taking a nap while writing it. The more I get up in years, the harder it is to get up in the morning, let alone get through the day without one. And by nap, I don’t mean a dirt nap. I’m not that old! What was I even talking about again? Oh, yeah, senior moments. I must be having one now. But yeah, I’m not that old. I merely have a senior moment from time to time.
My feeling is that if you’re still below the age of wearing Bengay and hearing aids, it should be called something else. I like the sound of junior moment, which I can still hear, thankfully, without hearing aids. It also sounds very similar to a delicious brand of candy. So, when you announce to people you are having a junior moment, especially when they have hearing aids, they instead might think you’re saying, “I’m having a Junior Mint.” Nobody then will see you being anything but in mint condition. Also, a mint comes in handy after eating a hamburger and a whole hill of beans. Heck yeah, I still remember that joke from a few paragraphs ago. I told you I was only having a junior moment.
Two dragonflies blue, violet and grey,
Wreathed atop your final resting place,
Beneath the cottonwood’s gentle shade,
In that somber moment tears traced.
Two dragonflies they came into sight,
Glistening like sapphires in the soft, golden light,
Their wings hummed a requiem, a mournful refrain,
A song in your quietus, to ease all the pain.
These dragonflies, messengers from above,
Emissaries of your undying love,
They whispered in the wind, as if to say,
You’re free from your burdens, it’s time to fly away.
In the silence of that moment, we felt your goodbye,
Two dragonflies, soaring high in the sky,
A reminder of your presence, forever in our hearts,
In the dance of dragonflies, your spirits depart.
About a month ago, my girlfriend said, “Either marry me or pull my goat.” She stubbornly denies saying it now, although I’m not sure why when it’s probably the greatest ultimatum I’ve ever received. After nearly three years of dating, she was right. It was finally time to do what she asked and pull her goat. So, the other weekend, I decided to take her to a farm that was open to the public. After taking a hayride there, the farmer’s wife informed us that we could go in and feed the goats if we wanted. I thought this was perfect. I could show my girlfriend how committed I was to her and find a good goat for me to pull.
The lady handed us some ice cream cones filled with what I would assume to be goat feed, not ice cream (Definitely not ice cream), and we headed over to their pen. I’ve never been one that is shy to meet new farm animals, so I got right in there hoping to quickly befriend a goat I might be able to pull. My girlfriend was more reluctant, however, choosing to keep her distance from the rest of us, which didn’t exactly help with the horrific incident that would come next.
Almost immediately, a flock of little ones took a shine to me, and I knew before long I would have them eating out of the palm of my hand. I crouched down, poured some of the pellets and corn out of the ice cream cone, and had them doing just that: Eating out of the palm of my hand. While I was doing that, another goat snuck up behind me and jumped on my back. I spun around, furious, put up my dukes, and shouted, “What, ya wanna goat!” Billy the Goat obviously thought he was Billy the Kid or something. I was shocked once I saw my foe. He was humongous! Clearly, this was a goat who had done a little too much goat yoga.
At this point, I realized I was no match for this goat. I shut my mouth and slowly extended my hand, which had been concealing some of the grain. Somewhat a feeble attempt at a peace offering. I was surprised when the goat happily accepted my offer, and I figured this would be the end of it, but, boy, was I wrong. I tried to go back about my business with the little ones when the same goat jumped on my back again. He even went as far as sticking his hoof in my pocket this time. I think he might’ve been going for my wallet. Having enough, I flew the coop and went to be with the animals I relate to better: The chickens. After all was said and done, I learned it probably is preferable to just marry my girlfriend. At least then I wouldn’t get her goat.
There is never enough light in the day. There is never enough light in the night, for that matter, either. This fact is more noticeable on a night when it’s a new moon. Be very cautious during a new moon because not only is it extremely dark, but that’s also when legend has it wolves turn into werehumans. Never under any circumstances do you want to be bitten by one of them, or you might start doing crazy things like wearing clothes and paying taxes. I don’t know about you, but I enjoy going around in the nude and haven’t had any tax collectors at my door for years. I’m not sure why. Perhaps others think there is too much light in the day when I do that.
In all seriousness, though, there are many things to like about the night. The perfect time to get to first base is when it’s pitch black. However, when stealing a kiss, check it’s your girlfriend and not a skunk. Although, I’m sure skunks make good kissers. Pepé Le Pew, need I say more? It’s just that, in the dark, it’s hard to be sure it’s a skunk, not a cat with white stripes painted down its back. No cat is going to get my tongue! In any case, you better beware because if you feel her nibbling on your ear, it just might be a werehuman instead.
Another great thing about the night is nightmares. Where would we be without those? Am I right? Once, I had this nightmare. I was transformed into a werehuman and hit by a car while chasing a fire truck. Ever since, I’ve been afraid to commit arson anymore, fearing that the dream might come true. I ask you: Now, who will make sure there’s enough light in the day, let alone the night?
A wallflower in a sunflower dress, so bright,
A brisk summer shower leaves us drenched in light,
Her laugh, a melody to which she gracefully sways,
She grabs my hand and leads me in the dance’s maze.
Each petal on her dress, a story untold,
In the garden of her spirit, I hope to expose,
The secrets of her world, the colors of her soul,
As we twist in the light drizzle, becoming whole.
Beneath the summer rain, our love takes root,
In this enchanted garden, our hearts follow suit,
As the sunflowers bloom, and the wallflowers shine,
In her sunflower dress, forever, she’ll be mine.
When I was a kid, I wore No Fear T-shirts. Ironically, as an adult, I now fear many things, even getting a stain on my shirt. Whenever I find myself in even the slightest of conflicts, my fight or flight instinct kicks in, and I almost always opt to jump on a red-eye flight over getting a black eye. I will take a trip to just about anywhere besides the grocery store to fetch a bag of frozen peas to prevent my eye from swelling. Furthermore, everyone knows when you have a black eye that only black-eyed peas work. Thanks to recent supply shortages, who knows if they will have any in stock. Whenever I need to go to the supermarket, there is always a certain level of apprehension that goes along with it because you never know who you will bump into. If you bump into the wrong person, they might give your other eye a matching shiner. Another reason I dread going to the store is that I suffer from an eyes-are-bigger-than-my-stomach condition, which is only worsened by the fact that they are both already swollen at this point. Now, since I didn’t submit to my natural tendency toward chicken-heartedness, I’m buying black-eyed peas, a whole chicken, and a 10-pound burlap sack full of potatoes to go along with it. After said shopping spree, and with the rising cost of groceries, comes the worry that I will not be able to pay my bills for the month. Now, instead of a No Fear T-shirt, you might see me wearing the burlap sack with two raccoon eyes digging through your trash can. That is definitely something to fear.
