I realize I’ve been known to tell a bad joke or two. If you don’t like it, feel free to throw tomatoes at me. But in that case, the joke would be on you because I actually enjoy tomatoes. They’re fantastic in salads, sandwiches, and wraps. And I ask you, where would grilled cheese be without tomato soup? That’s definitely what you should eat if you’re getting sick of my jokes.
I’ve got some bad news if you don’t like my bad jokes—I’m working on a book of them. It’s going to be titled Tomato Soup for the Droll. Here’s a taste: Why did the chicken soup cross the road? Because there was a fork in it, and you can’t eat soup with a fork. I know, pretty bad, right? But that’s what I promised, after all.
Anyway, as I was saying, I like eating tomatoes. Unless, of course, they become sentient like in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, in which case, they’d probably eat me. Those are the kind of tomatoes that would make better ketchup. Or is it catsup? I feel that’s something people could argue about until they’re red in the face, red as a tomato. I just hope that if one were to ever really come alive, it would be more like Bob the Tomato from Veggie Tales.
I’m not sure why I like tomatoes so much. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to be one of those people slapping themselves in the head thinking they could’ve had a V8. In fact, I’ll take a V9 or V10 if you’ve got it.
But yeah, all joking aside, if you don’t like my bad jokes, by all means, throw one at me. It will keep me on my toma-toes. No hard feelings. Maybe I’ll learn to write better jokes, and some movie producer might even want to make a film adaptation of my book. Though it would probably still get bad reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.
So, what’s your stance on tomatoes? Do you toss them in a salad or toss them at bad comedians like me?