They say you should bury the hatchet, but no one ever provides specifics. Where exactly should I bury it, and how deep? Am I going to need a shovel to dig the hole, and then what do I do with that? I mean, this is already sounding like a lot of work. I’ve also heard that you should never dig yourself into a hole. But here I am, potentially digging myself into a literal hole with a shovel, which feels like I’m setting myself up for trouble.
Then, there’s the whole issue of proximity. Imagine the police find a dead body buried somewhere near where I buried the hatchet. I don’t think the police are going to believe me when I say, “I didn’t kill that person. I just buried the hatchet.” Of course not! They’d probably roll their eyes and say, “Sure, buddy, that’s a new one.”
At that point, my only option would be to go on the run, hiding out in the woods like a modern-day fugitive. And what do you need when you’re hiding out in the woods? Firewood. A hatchet would be handy in that situation, but unfortunately, I’d have just buried mine. I can see it now: sitting in the cold, shivering under the stars, cursing my overzealous adherence to idiomatic expressions.
So maybe I should take the advice less literally. Instead of physically burying the hatchet, perhaps I’ll just let bygones be bygones and avoid any unnecessary run-ins with the law. And I’ll keep my hatchet where it belongs—safely stored away, ready for more practical use like splitting firewood or, you know, carving pumpkins.