Last weekend, I made chili dogs, and by that I don’t mean I put our dog in a large pot of chili. Although, to be fair, Goldie, our miniature schnauzer, is so cute you could eat her up.
No, I’m talking about juicy hot dogs smothered in a chunky chili sauce. Goldie, however, did get a bath, but I bet she wished the tub was filled with chili. It smelled that good! Come to think of it, I wouldn’t have minded taking a dip in it myself.
In fact, the chili was so good, I’m frankly a little surprised Chili’s hasn’t asked me for the recipe yet. The irony, of course, is that Chili’s doesn’t actually have chili on its menu.
If I opened a restaurant that exclusively served chili and chili-derived foods, though, what would I call it without infringing on their trademark? Spicy Beef Stew’s just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Apparently, there’s a heated debate among chefs over whether chili is a soup or a stew. Personally, I think it falls somewhere in between. A stoup, if you will.
Wait a minute.
Stoup’s.
That’s the perfect name for my chili restaurant. I already have the slogan: “Netflix and chili? Come get stoupid at Stoup’s.”
Aside from chili, Stoup’s would offer the Stoupid Meal Deal: one of my famous chili dogs, a side of chili cheese fries, and a bowl of chili mac—because apparently the chili dog wasn’t enough of a warning. For your beverage, you’d have your choice of water, milk, or Pepto-Bismol.
For just 99 cents more, you could make it a Stouper Size, which includes extra fries and a complimentary apology to your digestive system.
Of course, starting a restaurant is expensive, so I’d need some capital. I checked my inbox to see if Chili’s had finally sent an offer for my recipe, but all I found was a letter from PETA regarding something I apparently said in my opening paragraph.
No idea what that’s about.
Goldie has declined to comment.