My girlfriend says I get crabby sometimes. Sure, I get moody now and then, but “crabby” seems a little harsh. I mean, not everyone can be as ecstatic as Sebastian from The Little Mermaid, singing about how wonderful life is under the sea. Let’s be real—the sea is a harsh mistress. Kind of like how my girlfriend will be after she reads this.
But maybe she’s onto something. If I were a crustacean, would crabby even be the right fit? Maybe I’m not crabby; maybe I’m more of a lobster—tough on the outside but soft and sentimental underneath. You know, I’ve got a tough shell, but I still melt her heart—just like the butter you need to fully enjoy a lobster. And sure, I take her to fancy restaurants like… Red Lobster. Hmm, maybe we’ll stick to Applebee’s after all.
Or maybe I’m more of a shrimp. I’m small, harmless, and definitely quick to get a little “short” with people. But hey, when life gets overwhelming, a shrimp cocktail should help me chill, right? Too bad it’s hard to relax when every tuna, cod, and mackerel in the sea wants to eat you. But don’t feel bad for me—this shrimp doesn’t need your shrimpathy.
I could be a krill instead, but let’s be real—that doesn’t sound much better. I’d still be krill-humored. I mean, you’d be grumpy too if there were millions—no, krillions—of you, and everyone you know keeps getting krilled. It’s pretty kruel.
How about a barnacle? I wouldn’t be crabby, just clingy! I’d stick around no matter what, even when she wants a little space. Permanent attachment—it’s what barnacles do best.
Or maybe I could be a crawfish—easygoing, laid-back, never getting in a crawful mood. Just one cool crawdaddy, never reaching my boiling point… at least I hope not.
But if I had to be a crab, I think I’d choose a hermit crab. That sure would be shell. I mean, who doesn’t want a portable home they can retreat into when things get a little overwhelming? Sometimes I just need my own little shell to crawl into for peace and quiet—maybe that’s where my “crabbiness” comes from. It’s not a bad life, though. I can carry everything I need on my back, dodge the tough situations, and emerge when I’m ready. Plus, let’s face it—I’d rather be a hermit crab than shellfish. At least hermits come out of their shell every once in a while. Shellfish? They’re just in it for themselves.