They say the first step to good cooking is having clean laundry. And no, not because your oven doubles as a dryer — though, if it does, we’ve got bigger problems. It’s because nothing ruins a culinary masterpiece faster than realizing you’re out of clean dish towels and drying your hands on last week’s jeans. Suddenly, that five-star meal feels a lot more like a five-second rule situation.
Of course, before you can even think about cooking, you’ve got to conquer one of life’s great mysteries: the case of the missing sock. Did it vanish under the washer? Fall victim to the laundry room floor? Or, and hear me out, is there a scoundrel band of sock pirates using them as ransom? Honestly, feet can smell pretty funky, so maybe someone’s airing them out for the greater good. If you’re concerned, may I suggest sandals? Or, if you’re feeling bold, perhaps a pair of Crocs. Though someone once disclosed to me, in confidence, that Crocs are only fashionable if you’re boating — and no, a gravy boat doesn’t count.
And what if you do find yourself out on a boat, clad in Crocs, the wind in your hair? You know, when you suddenly find yourself in a galley cooking for those sock pirates. Just pray they’re hoisting actual sails and not one of your bedsheets. Because if you spot your fitted sheet flapping proudly above deck, congratulations — you’ve officially aired your dirty laundry in the most literal sense.
So, before you tackle that fancy soufflé or attempt a ‘simple’ three-course meal, maybe check the laundry pile. Clean towels, clean clothes, and a clear conscience — that’s the real recipe for success. And if you’re lucky, you might even find that missing sock. Or at least its ransom note.