Sunday night, my girlfriend was on the couch, sipping white hot chocolate. It was your average, uneventful Sunday night—until Goldie, Super Schnauzer, decided maybe my girlfriend was a tall building she could leap in a single bound.
Truth be told, my girlfriend is pretty tall, so I think clearing her would require at least a few bounds. Or binds. I mean, her beauty knows no bounds, anyway.
I watched in horror, knowing there was absolutely no way Super Schnauzer was clearing her in a single bound—pluralized or otherwise. My girlfriend flailed her arms as Goldie made contact, and I swear time froze. Suspended midair was a single globule of hot chocolate, hovering like a NASA experiment gone wrong.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when that same globule gently plunked back into her mug—not onto my couch. Not the cushion. Not the throw pillow. Not a single drop anywhere that would’ve required frantic Googling, stain remover, or the emotional acceptance that the couch had lived a good life.
My girlfriend laughed and said it was strange that none of it spilled. I told her I’ve seen stranger things—and I wasn’t talking about the show.
After thinking it over, I realized the only logical explanation is the Upside Down. That glob of hot chocolate didn’t fall back into the mug—it fell up. Which means that if we ever binge-watch Stranger Things, we’ll be doing it without hot cocoa—no matter how chilly Netflix and chill gets. I’m not risking another portal opening on my couch or having to plan a funeral for my furniture. Instead, I’ll be handing Super Schnauzer a squeaky hedgehog—something bright, indestructible, and hopefully the canine equivalent of kryptonite.
And with any luck, she’ll go back to just being a normal dog. I mean, stranger things have happened. Otherwise, I may have to call Rex Luther—assuming I can still find my dog whistle.